Report

This current (1st) 40-day effort has been a unique and rewarding one. I've been involved in events and around people that would normally be trying, but with the prayer - as innocent and naive and simple as that sounds - I've had glimpses of residing above things, in the higher time, higher speed, higher centers sense. Post-event(s) you can see it. Also internal-considering is arrows that can't reach me. I've been above it without trying to be above it.

Something that Resides Under the Radar

Something that resides under the radar is the building up of fear when you make efforts to be more awake in life. Fear not for life and limb, necessarily, but just a build-up of fear that probably is similar - but less terrorizing - to living in a police-state. "I'm not doing anything different than everybody else!" Or: slinking around like you're a criminal or guilty or less-than others.

Like others are (and act towards you like they are) more legitimate than you.

Paranoia, maybe. But fear is fear. It builds up. Sometimes you recognize it and stand straight and gaze out with an f-you attitude, throw it off your shoulders, but the thing about it is it creeps over you slowly.

Just identification with everything. People. Worrying about their opinions of you (internal-considering). All that.

The main point: there is an element of courage - spiritual courage - needed to be awake amidst the mechanical friction of the general law.

Spiritual courage, contentment, patience. Patience is needed when dealing with mechanical forces.

A Further Note On a Previous Thought

I said it seems that people play common roles to circumscribe and safeguard against being insane. This means: essence is undeveloped, so personality needs to cover it, surround it, to protect it. It's a weakness because undeveloped essence is, well, being in a state of undevelopment. This is why it's comical to get angry at human beings. It's like getting angry at a machine. (Machine? Where have I heard that terminology before?)

Essence, when undeveloped, basically operates in the world like if you have a mental problem, or an assortment of them. Or if you are just like a puppy. Or, you know, whatever. Maybe something very negative and violent. Also, one has to add that evil spirits probably possess people who have no protective shell of personality. Or can. So there is that element in the population too. In Hades this is the chaos going on.

This is not an exact science. Of course.

Another thought: probably when you fall in love with a person, or are just fond of them, it may be little insights into their essence that you've come to see or connect with. Maybe. Something that distinguishes them apart from the machine that they are otherwise.

Three Forced Thoughts

It seems like alot of lifestyles or common roles are lived as a way to circumscribe and safeguard against being insane. Or, fear of being insane. Not a crazy fear by any means, but it's based on weakness nevertheless. Of course 99% of life is also dictated by basic survival needs too.

Another thought: violence and bad things are so close around us that protection from them can only be explained by supernatural reasons.

A third thought to round this out: if we remember that life is really rather short even if you live to 90 then keeping your conversation (that biblical word for our total being and activity and everything) above, in the spirit, in the heavenlies is really the rule of the day. There.

Can't Repeat This Enough

I've been in and out of numerous events that are classic scenarios to explode higher energy within you. Classic resentment-triggering scenarios. And I've sailed through them (or over them), with the speed of reaction of being in higher time.

This is the result of prayer and asking for ability to act from real will (God's will) in those situations and events.

I can't repeat this enough.

At the time of the events I've had vague notions that I'm "in one" right now, but I say vague because I'm sceptical in real time, for all the usual reasons we get sceptical when we're self-consciously aware of things, or trying to be. But there are ways to see it after-the-fact. One way is the event itself provides fuel for resentment in imaginative retrospect. I mean, sitting around and recounting the event from memory. You see then often that it was a typical resentment-triggering event, because you're able to indulge it as such from memory. I mean you see the power in the event. Then you know you had unusual control during the real time of the event itself.

This is only due to prior request in prayer to have that control and wisdom and ability to act from God's will.

Can't repeat this enough.

This is the complete picture. Once you have this control, real will, the only thing you have to do is get use to nothing being negative. Days of heaven.

12

Bible AV 1611

Homer - Iliad & Odyssey

Wolfram von Eschenbach - Parzival

Shakespeare - Works

Carl von Clausewitz - On War

Smith - Wealth of Nations

Ouspensky - Fourth Way

Montesquieu - Spirit of Laws

Gibbon - Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire

Thucydides - History of the Peloponnesian War

Plutarch - Lives

Machiavelli - Prince & Discourses

A Thought Upon Looking at a String of Numbers

As I look at the days increase in my first 40 day effort of '07 (15 so far) the thought came to me - not to denigrate the day in day out effort - that we also make real progress in single, big efforts, or events where we are particularly awake and it goes into memory deeply. In other words, that "day" back "when" when you were particularly into self-remembering and found yourself sustaining it for many hours and you have a strong memory of that day and the things that happened regarding the effort. Or the event on that single day back when when you were able to see a feature of false personality in yourself in the moment and it etched it into your mind powerfully and became part of your "work history."

But I don't want what I've just written to denigrate the ditch-digging effort. The ditch-digging effort might be the foundation of the other types of jumps in evolution, so to speak.

Another Some Note

We can seem so small with all this. "My brother said something to me at a gathering, but I didn't identify with it. I was in control." Meanwhile special forces operatives are battling terrorists in Somalia. (At least I know it's small events!) On the other hand, the special forces operative gets back home, then at a family gathering his brother says something, and he stabs him eighteen times. SEE? IT'S NOT SUCH A TRIVIAL THING, MANNNN!

Some Notes

I want to repeat that prayer is rather effective in this process of containing and transforming accumulated energy. I hesitate to say it was there all the time because I think you have to develop into not only a recognition and understanding of the fact of it itself, but in that developing involves everything associated with the big change of coming into the faith in a real way. Prayer and fasting: the "reins" of volition of real will. Effecting - doing - in higher time.

I can see an immediate stumblingblock is now thinking prayer is giving you control when you've actually not made real efforts to accumulate higher energy to begin with. Or been half-hearted in those efforts.

But that can be tested. You experience the energy in you even as you have new control over it. I mean, little - what I called - "micro bursts" of violence or just unusual heat in thought or speech or action. Nothing out-of-control, just enough to let you know you have real above normal levels of energy - higher energy - in you. I was in a typical family get-together recently (the kind where each of them has a flame-thrower and you're the only one with a target on you) and I was just floating from event to event. The flames went right through me. Half the time I didn't even know they were goading me. I was like Francis of Assisi. I was non-insultable. (OK, I don't know much about Francis of Assisi, but the image is of an innocent guy you couldn't insult if you tried.)

Note on the above: I don't want to give a false impression that my family members were in some wild, coordinated orgy of attack on me. They were actually very nice, in that "OK, everybody, shhhh, he's coming into the room again" way. But you know how the mechanical words can come out of the mouths. (I'm sure I'm doing similar things to them, in some way, hopefully not like in my past though - HOPEFULLY.)